Dan Reiland The Pastor's Coach – Developing Church Leaders

Category / Relationships

Leading someone older than you can be challenging.

As the Boomer generation ages and hands the baton of leadership to the X’ers and Millennials, more and more young leaders find themselves leading those older than themselves.

This is an important question: Why do some young leaders do it well and some do it poorly?

I remember the first time this really hit me. On my first day as Executive Pastor in San Diego, I suddenly realized I would be leading staff who were older and more experienced than I was. That was intimidating, to say the least. Thoughts went through my mind like, “What do I have to offer them?” And, “Why would they listen to me?

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A great conversation, through the lens of a leader, is based on purpose.

Emotion, heart and genuine connection play a vital part. And we absolutely should enjoy our conversations. But we respect and honor people more by being helpful, rather than what feels like hang time with a buddy.

Enjoyment and meaning come from purpose.

A common question is how to make the most of all the one to one meetings. I personally like to think of them as conversations rather than meetings. That creates a different picture for me.

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Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry?

The quick answer is pride. But there has to be more to it.

It’s about “the principle!” How many times have I heard that? Or I’ve said it myself.

The principle of the matter is often in play, but underneath the principle, it can also be about the need to be right. It results in the lack of willingness to budge even for the greater good.

Apologizing isn’t that easy, and it’s not always clear about who should and when. But the lack of an apology is always harmful.

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Your key relationships either move you forward or pull you backward.

Nothing organic has a neutral mode. If it’s a living organism, it’s either growing or dying. My car is a machine. It has a neutral gear, but it’s not productive. In fact, it’s not really a gear. It’s a place between the gears that just spins until I want to go forward or backward. Neutral is a place holder, but it doesn’t make progress.

The same principle is true in human relationships – there is no holding pattern. They are either moving forward or in decline. A marriage, for example, is either getting better or getting worse. There is no plateau.

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