Dan Reiland The Pastor's Coach – Developing Church Leaders

Category / Relationships

A great conversation, through the lens of a leader, is based on purpose.

Emotion, heart and genuine connection play a vital part. And we absolutely should enjoy our conversations. But we respect and honor people more by being helpful, rather than what feels like hang time with a buddy.

Enjoyment and meaning come from purpose.

A common question is how to make the most of all the one to one meetings. I personally like to think of them as conversations rather than meetings. That creates a different picture for me.

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Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry?

The quick answer is pride. But there has to be more to it.

It’s about “the principle!” How many times have I heard that? Or I’ve said it myself.

The principle of the matter is often in play, but underneath the principle, it can also be about the need to be right. It results in the lack of willingness to budge even for the greater good.

Apologizing isn’t that easy, and it’s not always clear about who should and when. But the lack of an apology is always harmful.

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Your key relationships either move you forward or pull you backward.

Nothing organic has a neutral mode. If it’s a living organism, it’s either growing or dying. My car is a machine. It has a neutral gear, but it’s not productive. In fact, it’s not really a gear. It’s a place between the gears that just spins until I want to go forward or backward. Neutral is a place holder, but it doesn’t make progress.

The same principle is true in human relationships – there is no holding pattern. They are either moving forward or in decline. A marriage, for example, is either getting better or getting worse. There is no plateau.

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If a leader loses influence, it rarely evaporates instantly.

It’s usually more like a pin-sized hole in a balloon. The leak is so slow it’s barely perceptible. The balloon flies high at first – seemingly tugging on its string. Then it slowly begins to drop. In few days, you wake up and see the balloon laying on the floor, and much smaller than it used to be.

There are rare circumstances, such as a moral failure, that result in the loss of influence overnight. In the vast majority of situations, it’s subtle and slow. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s not noticed until it’s too late.

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