5 Behaviors of Leaders that do it the Hard Way

All leaders have blind spots. We can’t see what we can’t see.

That’s not an indictment; it’s a reality. It’s part of being human.

I depend on close insiders to advise me, coach me, and tell me the truth. Without that, I’m nearly guaranteed to do most things the hard way. I’ll make and repeat avoidable mistakes, miss opportunities, and possibly – unknowingly hurt relationships. When I make myself accountable to a team, not only am I better the whole team is better.

When leaders do things the hard way, the church follows the same road. The church can end up slowed, stalled or stuck. Like you, I love the church and hate to see it struggle when there is a better way.

Leadership in the local church is never easy, but there are specific behaviors that are relatively easy to avoid that will make your leadership journey so much more productive and enjoyable.

One or two of these five behaviors may speak to you personally, or perhaps this will help you coach a staff member or a friend.

5 Behaviors of Leaders That Do Things the Hard Way:

1) Leaders that don’t listen.

Leaders that don’t listen slowly isolate themselves from reality.

When we don’t listen we lose touch with vital information. When people don’t feel heard, they feel devalued. Soon there is a distance between the leader and his or her followers. In time that lack of connection will cost dearly.

Listening is a skill so it can be learned, but it requires intentionality and practice. Pace and pressure can reduce our ability to listen.

In today’s fast paced, high tech culture, personal communication is more important than ever. It’s tough to be a good listener when you are under pressure and out of time, but learning to listen is nonetheless an essential skill for every good leader.

Good listening begins with empathy. It’s important to feel what the person is saying, not just catch the facts.

Good listening deepens with connection and identifying with what’s on the person’s mind.

Then follow the basics of listening well.

• Keep an open mind, and don’t jump to conclusions.
• Don’t interrupt or get defensive.
• Ask good questions for clarification and understanding.
• Thank people for sharing their thoughts with you.

2) Leaders that don’t trust others.

Maybe you’ve been burned, or it’s difficult for you to let go. Perhaps you have a gift of discernment and believe you have reason not to trust. Whatever the reason, leaders who struggle with trust have difficulty developing people, building teams, and growing the church.

Trust is not a skill; it’s more like a gift you give. It’s something you extend by your will – it’s a choice you make. Reasonable trust isn’t blind, and prudence is appropriate, but ultimately trust is something you extend until you have reason to retract it.

In order to empower people, you must trust them with responsibility. It’s essential to believe in them and give them the benefit of the doubt. Trust always involves risk, and we must risk to successfully take new territory.

Trust may not come easily to you, but practice trusting God (Proverbs 3:4-6). Then focus on trusting the leaders closest to you, and in time extend your trust to others.

Trusting others is not a skill or an obligation, it’s a choice. A choice leaders must make.

3) Leaders that don’t ask for help.

As a young leader I didn’t like to ask for help. I thought I should have all the answers and do things myself. As I reflect on those early years, that’s nearly comical; I barely knew what the questions were and it’s impossible to do it all without help.

Looking back, I can cut myself some slack, as I mentioned, I was young. But when I meet seasoned leaders who still don’t want to ask for help, I know they are doing things the hard way.

Here’s the good news. There are those around you who want to help!

Whether you are asking for advice, looking for ideas, or asking someone to serve on a ministry team, people feel valued when needed.

When you genuinely care about people, and you are devoted to the mission, they are honored at the opportunity to be helpful.  Don’t hesitate to ask for help.

If you are fearful of a no, remember that if you don’t ask, it’s a no for sure.

4) Leaders that won’t change.

Resistance to change may cross the line from doing things the hard way to choosing to fail even if that choice is unintentional. Change isn’t an option for a healthy and growing church.

It’s often true that we don’t internally resist change as much as we don’t perceive any margin to implement change.

If overloaded, overwhelmed and overworked change is the last thing you want to embrace. If your church is busy, change is exhausting. 

Change is about transition, and successful transitions require margin. Change often requires thinning out your calendar, and even some ministries to make room for change. You need time to think, plan, and communicate.

As you consider the areas in your church that are in need of change, begin to simultaneously reflect on how to create room or margin so that change can be implemented. (What can you cut or postpone?)

5) Leaders that don’t rest and play.

Overall leaders are getting better at taking time to rest and time to play. We’ve learned the high cost of consistent overwork and no rest.

There are times when we all must press the pedal to the metal and keep going. But the normal rhythms of a healthy life and ministry require rest and time to play.

• Do you have a hobby?
• What is fun for you?
• Would your friends say you laugh easily and often?
• How’s your day off going?
• Are you grumpy at home or does your family love to see you?

It can be difficult to shut your leadership engines off so you can rest and play, but I don’t need to convince you of the wisdom here. My hope is to encourage you to be consistent, and I promise you will be a better leader if you take the time to refuel.

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Your approach to these five behaviors can make the difference between your church growing or getting stuck, and equally important, whether or not you enjoy a healthy and productive ministry.