How would you describe and define a healthy culture of honor?
My observation is that churches demonstrate a wide variance of who is honored and how honor is demonstrated.
If you value a culture of honor in your staff or whole church, I hope these thoughts are helpful to you.
Let me quickly say that I have no desire to critique any particular expression of honor, my hope is to write about a healthy culture of honor overall.
To do that we need to start with Scripture. Any church and staff culture that practices the value of honor without a biblical foundation to guide it is destined for disappointment.
That doesn’t suggest that there is sin, evil or malice in play. It is simply that we are profoundly human.
Romans 12:9-13 is a good starting point for this topic.
The context is important. The passage describes who we are, what we value and how we treat each other.
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12:9-13
This passage in Romans, specifically verse 10, makes clear that we are to honor each other, not just one or a select few, and the qualifier is honoring above ourselves.
Honor means to ascribe value, give recognition, and show appreciation.
Honor isn’t meant to be given randomly. We should honor what is honorable and honor where honor is due rather than insincerely flattering others. The key is that honor never loses sight of humility, so it can be uplifting to everyone.
Romans 12:9-10 indicates that the foundation of honor is love, and that love is qualified as sincere, not fake or forced.
The idea is that we would regard one another as persons of value. Another perspective or lens for honor is the idea of respect.
Cultivate a healthy culture of honor
1) Honoring others begins and ends with honoring God.
The best way to keep the right perspective regarding honoring others is to always honor God first and highest.
Honor isn’t about putting someone on a pedestal or suggesting they are better than others. It’s an awareness of the value of others and letting them know. It is appropriate recognition and appreciation that often comes from gratitude.
One of the most appropriate guardrails for a healthy culture is to always honor God first in our lives. We can honor Him with our words, actions, love and character.
The following Psalm is one of my favorites and is one of dozens that describes the honor due to God.
For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.
Psalm 95:3-7
And this passage in Revelation puts a clear exclamation point on it.
9 Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, 10 the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: 11 “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”
Revelation 4:9-11
2) Give more honor than you seek or expect
If you feel honored, it’s always good if it catches you a bit by surprise. If you are looking for honor, it will never be enough.
A healthy culture of honor extends honor up, down, and side to side.
Honor that only goes up is not the intended expression. Jesus didn’t model it that way and would be the only one who is worthy of it in that manner.
Honor is not only about the person being honored it is also about the person who chooses to honor. Some people chose to dishonor Jesus (even though He was worthy of honor). Honor is always a choice. It says something about the person choosing honor. Jesus didn’t demand honor, nor did He honor others because they demanded it of Him.
When honor travels upward it should be natural and authentic not expected or insisted upon by organizational hierarchy. When the latter of the two occurs, it’s never enough.
When honor is natural and authentic it brings us joy to give it, and everyone benefits because a generous spirit is released into the culture.
3) Comparison, envy and pride are the chief enemies of giving honor.
Ego often gets in the way of honoring others.
For example, if I were to be offended by my seat at the table, the problem is in me. I should be happy simply to be at the table. This kind of pride distracts me from the purpose and function of the group at the table and any opportunity to honor others. I’m more concerned about how others see me than my contribution to the greater good.
Comparison is a stealth enemy of honoring others.
If we allow thoughts like “Why did they get that recognition or reward when I did just as much work” sneak in to our minds and hearts, there is no room left to honor others.
Problems like comparison, envy and pride can unknowingly cause us to seek honor, or withhold it from others.
If we desire honor (or even require it) more than we desire to give it, we create an undesirable taste of honor in the culture. If this finds its way into the water of your culture it can actually create dishonor in different forms such as disrespect, duplicity (lack of honesty), fear, gossip and mistrust. Thankfully, this is rare, but it can slowly sneak its way in.
4) Model the way from a disposition of generosity.
There would be less division in our churches, communities, and country if we authentically and appropriately honored one another.
Occasionally a grand gesture of honor is appropriate, but most (and probably best) are the simple and sincere opportunities to express your heart in a way that touches a person’s soul and encourages them.
Here are several common examples.
- Express gratitude
- Listen intently
- Practice MVS (Mutual Voluntary Submission)
- Serve with joy
- Demonstrate respect
- Acknowledge achievement
It’s so important to honor with authenticity. If honor turns into a constant display of inauthentic courtesy or flattery it rings hollow and has the opposite effect.
Again, I hope these thoughts are helpful to you and your team.
Great article. Any suggestions on how, what to do to honor church leaders? This is from a Pastor asking the question. So, when I saw church leaders, I’m not including ways in which to honor a Pastor, but others. Thank you
Hi Barbara,
Thanks for writing. Good question. Here are some of the ways I listed in point 4 with added comments.
Express gratitude in a variety of ways both publicly and privately, Listen intently – that shows you care, serve them with authentic joy, demonstrate respect toward them and acknowledge their ministry achievements. The key is that its genuine and from the heart.
Hope that helps.
Dan
When I was a freshman in high school I decided to go out for wrestling. I was the third man in my weight class. That meant I seldom wrestled in a dual meet. During the season I did all I could to get better and was at every practice and tournament. At the end of the season was a banquet that was open to members of the community. At the banquet the coaches recognized the team members. I was seated at the back corner of the table farthest from the front. (Because I had not done very well that season I pondered not going out for wrestling the following year). When the coach called my name I wondered what he was going to say about me. When I stood he told the people in the room that he wished more were like me because I was at every practice and every tournament. He said the same thing at the school assembly. After that I decided to go out for the team the following year. That coach changed my life. I saw him 53 years later am spoke to him about it. He did not remember saying that, but I have never forgotten. What he said made a tremendous impact on my life especially in leading people. For many years I have held the philosophy that people can succeed if given enough encouragement. Much of my attitude is to invite people to come with me and I will help you.
Hi Gerald,
Thank you for your personal and powerful story! Really good! And most definitely honoring someone brings great encouragement!
Great stuff. On your flattering point, I’m struck with how important using specific words and examples is when honoring others. When I use generalities like “He’s a great guy” or “you are a super-hero” or “you are amazing” it doesn’t land the same as when I say “You are great at planning everything with such detail” or “you make other people feel super by encouraging them well” or “that meeting was amazingly well organized and we accomplished so much.”
I’ve begun to consider that when I’m to generic in my praise/honor it is a sign to me that I’m just flattering, or at times even just expressing my guilt that someone else did something for me that I didn’t want to do–and that isn’t really honoring them, it is narcissism.
Hi David,
Thank you David. And I agree with you, specific words demonstrate a more thoughtful approach. Your comment makes me think about how we honor our kids (and grandkids) they need to hear our specific thoughts about them, not just “good job.” I think general just makes them feel good, the specific builds their confidence in specific areas. Same with our colleagues and those who lead us. Amazing to think we can help build the leaders above us with the words we choose. Thanks again.
Pure GOLD, Dan! And I think for me, at some point, I drift from this (deadlines, mtg prep, deacon/elder prep, tough staff conversations, etc)…and NEED this reminder!!
Hey Dan!
Gold sounds good in this Summer Olympic season. 🙂 It is easy to drift from our intentionality to honor others, and when we do, let’s keep it from the heart! Blessings!
Really enjoyed this. And thankful I was one who experienced it first hand under your leadership. You are a gift to so many of us Dan! Thank you, once again for timely words of wisdom.
Hey Todd! I’m so glad this landed for you and thank you for your kind words. I still smile when I think about our trip up to see you, Micah and your church. You were a great leader and campus pastor at 12Stone with a wonderful pastor’s heart, but when I saw you step up onto the stage at Buffalo.Church, it was obvious God is doing something new and special through you, Micah and your team!! Keep reaching people for Jesus!!