Leading Up When it’s Difficult

A surprising number of people describe their work situation as difficult.
How is yours?

Perhaps your boss is demanding or unwilling to change. Maybe the culture is less than healthy. Or it seems like everyone is on their own, doing their own thing.

Trying to make a difference in these circumstances is difficult and can at times seem impossible.

I have encouraging news for you, it is possible, and learning to lead up will make a significant difference.

The art of leading up won’t solve everything, but will help you make huge improvements and enjoy your job!

So let’s start here. Leadership is influence. It’s not about title and position.

True influence not based on your place on the org chart. These things define your organizational context, but very quickly fade compared to real influence.

My long-time friend and mentor, John Maxwell would call leadership based on title and position Level One leadership. (See The Five Levels of Leadership, by John Maxwell.) It’s ok to start there, but you can’t remain there for long and see the results you want.

The greater your true influence, leadership skill, and genuine desire to help people, over  time, the farther you will rise in your organizational structure.

Leading up is influencing those above you in such a way that serves them well and helps advance the mission of your church.

This post is not intended to address the rare and extreme cases, such as being personally mistreated, a toxic culture, or where sin is involved.

My intent is to address the more common situations where you might feel stuck, unheard, gifts not utilized, share a very different perspective, or strongly disagree. Even though this can be frustrating, it is not uncommon and can definitely be improved if not fully remedied.

Internal Action Steps:

1) Remember, it’s not your job to “fix” your boss.

Let’s start with the fact that the person above you is there for a reason. More than one person thinks that’s a good idea.

It’s your responsibility to honor that relationship. Serve well. Don’t do end runs. Don’t have hallway conversations to gain allies who will join your perspective.

Your circumstances at work may be difficult, but your attitude and approach will make a significant difference. Do your best to see the other point of view.

When your job is really tough, and you don’t get along with your supervisor, the best first step is to see and understand their perspective. You don’t have to agree, but it’s important to understand.

2) Emphasize what is good and focus on gratitude.

No matter how bad your job seems, it’s never all bad, and what you look for you will find. Look for the good and live there.

Admittedly, I’ve been blessed to work with and for amazing leaders in fantastic environments. That said, the work isn’t always easy. There are tough seasons for all of us, right?

What I always know to be true is that when I’m grateful for what I have my experience is always better. When I intentionally express gratitude, my perspective is better as well. I’m confident this will work for you too

Express gratitude at work, even when you are not happy with the circumstances. It’s amazing how much that changes your experience.

3) What do you need to work on?

The best way to improve a difficult situation involving a challenging relationship with your boss or someone above you in the org chart is to start with yourself.

You may be doing a great job and display a fantastic attitude. If so, great! But all of us have room for improvement in either competence or attitude.

Be honest with yourself and invest time in serious prayer. What leadership skill needs to be improved? Is there something about your spirit that needs a tune up?  

Ask yourself this tough question. Is your dissatisfaction at work all about work? Or is there something else added to the mix? If it’s something in your personal life, invest some energy there first.

External Action Steps To Leading Up Well:

1) Find fresh new ways to add value.

Focus your ministry efforts on what is positive and solution oriented.

When life at work is difficult but you consistently solve real problems, over the long run, that will always return to you in beneficial ways. (Even if you ultimately leave the organization, that will serve you well, because you served others well.)

Focus daily on being a productive team player and make the positive difference you can make. Invest your energy there!

What fresh new ways can you add value? Others will notice your effort and contribution and that will effect change all of its own.

2) Keep a private journal for organizational change.

If you are frustrated at work, write the things you think need to be changed in a personal journal. Keep them honest, accurate and brief. Leave them there for now, let it go and keep serving well.

Writing your organizational frustrations in succinct bullets brings clarity. It helps you discern what really matters. Let the small ones go.

Keep the list a minimum of 90 days before you say or do anything. It’s amazing what happens in 90 days or longer that makes something that was frustrating no longer really matter. As time progresses, if the issue remains or possibly gets worse, keep it on the list. Again, drop the minor ones.

This is key. Focus on change in the organization, not change in the person. You add value to the organization, the other person is responsible for their own change.

Then prioritize that list focusing in on your top three concerns. (Three is the max, one or two is better.) The reason for a short list is two-fold.

• It’s wise to discover the receptivity to your voice for change. Don’t push if the person isn’t receptive. Work on that first.
• It’s never a good idea to have a long list of frustrations. That is counter-productive. One or two is enough. Three is the max. Choose what can be changed with greatest positive impact.

3) Have the tough conversation.

The previous steps help you build toward the sometimes difficult but usually necessary conversation. These conversations go dramatically better when you first do what I’ve recommended in the previous internal and external steps.

When entering a tough conversation, avoid at all costs a blaming, accusing, and emotionally laden approach. It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it, and how you’ve prepared.

In any difficult conversation, remain calm, speak from your heart and be honest. Never point out a problem or concern without at least one solution that you are willing to help make happen.

It is often a good idea to seek wise counsel from a trusted mentor, outside your church, who is ahead of you in life’s journey. Pray much, give honor, and seek not to win, but to serve well and advance your church’s mission.

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NOTE: These six action steps are not just about you leading up well, they also help you have a better life.

For further insights on leading up, pick up a copy of John Maxwell’s book, The 360 Leader.