It happens.
Leaders mess up.
And leaders get in trouble.
I’m so glad that it’s more uncommon than common, but I understand what’s in play. It’s human nature for all of us. Genesis Chapter 3 makes it clear. We veer from God’s plan, go our own way, often taking others with us, then we try to hide because we are ashamed. And hope we don’t get discovered.
When my kids started college we attended the opening meeting for parents and students at Indiana Wesleyan University. The Dean of Students, a tall, muscular, athletic guy, introduced himself as the “Dean of Mean.” And trust me he could back it up. He told us all that: “If your kids mess up but confess, it nearly always goes well. But if they mess up and get caught, it’s not going to go well at all.”
The Dean spoke great words of wisdom for all of us as leaders.
We will all struggle with temptation and have the potential to do something really dumb over the course of our years in leadership. Hopefully, not something so huge that it’s ministry ending, but we’ll struggle with something.
So instead of leaders getting caught and ending up in devastation, there is a better way. Don’t wait. Confess now and get some help while the struggle is small.
It might be a difficult marriage, or a battle with pornography, or bondage to an addiction – perhaps alcohol, or maybe anger issues. So it’s a big risk to come clean. But the risk of coming clean about your struggles is far wiser than the risk of hiding and hoping you don’t get caught.
Yes, there are circumstances that merit being released from the staff, but those are far less common, especially if the leaders know about it early on.
Confession leads to forgiveness, freedom and a better life. Hiding leads to further darkness, detachment and digging a hole you just can’t climb out of.
Whether this is for you or the leaders you care about, here’s a helpful plan.
5 guidelines and action steps to help you have honest conversations before confession is needed:
1) Don’t try to go it alone.
It’s essential that you have a few mature, wise and trusted prayer partners or a small group of spiritual advisors that you talk with on a regular basis. As a leader, your spiritual and emotional health depend on it.
They need permission to ask you anything and your responsibility is to give an honest answer. The concept of “someone holding you accountable” is helpful. But candidly, each of us will only be as accountable as we want to be.
You hold yourself accountable, and your prayer partners or spiritual advisors comprise that safe place of truth and wisdom that help you navigate a healthy life.
2) Name your struggle and fight the battle.
One of the best ways to win the battle of temptation is to know your Achilles Heel, name it, and intentionally resist. Don’t let temptation remain a “vague struggle.” Be specific, name the enemy and fight it. You. Can. Win.
The mere act of bringing your temptation into the light, robs the enemy of much of his power to hold you captive.
Plus, you gain the support of your prayer partners, advisers or trusted group. Being proactive like this now, can save you so much heartache in the future.
3) Hold the line at temptation.
No one escapes temptation, but you can resist it.
It’s noble, for example, for a husband to say, “I’ll never even look at another woman.” But it’s not realistic. Good intent, but almost impossible to practice. It’s better to declare to yourself… “I will not pause for a lingering look.” The moment temptation happens, avert your eyes and refocus your attention.
You can practice the same idea in the face of any temptation.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- It’s not enough to say NO to what is wrong, we must also say YES to what is right in that moment.
- If we merely try to say NO to evil without simultaneously saying YES to good, we will fall prey to the powerful pull of temptation.
God is leading us to the good, but we need to follow and when we follow, He’ll deliver us from the evil one.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7
This is a promise you can count on and demonstrates spiritual success.
Whatever your Achilles Heel, from money to anger to a budding addiction, hold at temptation.
4) The battle is holistic, take care of yourself.
If you are tired, in poor health, under severely unrelenting pressure, or not praying (you get the idea), you are asking for trouble. You are setting yourself up to fail.
Your potential for success in resisting temptation and leading with integrity is in great part found in the practice of those things you already know that contribute to your emotional, physical and spiritual health.
Perfection is not the goal. But we can all follow Jesus more closely when we are living according to healthy habits and patterns in our lives.
5) If you’ve crossed the line, confess.
It’s never too late.
If you’ve read this far, it goes without saying that talking about the struggle early with trusted counsel, and taking appropriate action is the better route.
But if you find yourself having drifted farther than you imagined, don’t wait another moment. Talk with someone who can help.
This is the tough part, but it’s necessary.
Attempting to hide and cover sin will eat you alive and eventually you have nothing left to give.
I can’t promise your church will give you loving support, but I can tell you that more churches will than won’t. It’s a risk, but as I’ve said, it’s a far greater risk for you and your family to live in hiding.
So, how are you doing?
How about your team? How are they doing?
Is your culture a safe place to be honest?
Keep the conversations open.
Is there something you need to do?
