Every person who checks out your church is different. They have different needs, perspectives, hopes and desires. Jesus teaches us that our doors are open to all who seek Him.
Some of your guests are looking for reasons not to return.
These guests are difficult to please. If they look for the flaws in your church, they will find them. There are no perfect churches and pleasing everyone is impossible. Do your best to love everyone, but the prospect of chasing people who are intent to run is usually a futile process.
Some of your guests are looking for reasons to stay.
These guests are looking for a few things that are important to them, such as finding God, friendship, spiritual growth, help in a crisis, or a healthy environment for their kids. If they find a few things they care most about, they will overlook a few less-than-ideal aspects of your church.
In fact, it’s amazing how understanding people can be about any shortcoming of your church, if you consistently treat them well as a human being.
The musicians on your worship team may not be world class, or perhaps you don’t have enough parking, or maybe your student ministry isn’t what you want it to be. But if you treat people well, they are usually pretty understanding.
This is not an excuse to ignore the things about your church that need attention, but it’s enough grace to know that you can still do great ministry while you work on the areas that need to be improved.
First time guests and people new to your church will give lots of grace for the flaws and shortcomings if you treat them with:
- Kindness
- Respect
- Love
How you treat people who are new to your church can be the difference between your church growing or getting stuck.
But there are some things people who are new to your church will not overlook. These are mistakes you cannot afford to make.
3 Experiences Guests Won’t Forgive:
1) If you treat their kids as a program to be managed rather than kids to be loved.
The larger your church becomes, the easier it is for the machine to take over the mission. If we aren’t careful, structure can steal the life out of an experience, and the programs and processes become the focus more than each person.
This can happen in any ministry in your church, but there is little to no grace when it comes to families with kids.
I’m willing to bet that the heart of your church is about life change, meaning, and real spiritual transformation through Christ. You want to see the children know and love Jesus and enjoy church as much as any other age group.
But here’s where it breaks down. If you begin to make your children’s ministry easier on the staff and volunteer leaders by making it more difficult for the parents and kids, you are making a big mistake. You’d never do that on purpose, but it happens.
The leaders must always absorb the pressure of any ministry, not the guests. Make it easy for your guests and let the leaders carry the load.
If the kids become a number in the check-in process or are scolded more than encouraged because they didn’t behave just right, or there are so many rules that they don’t have any fun, it’s highly unlikely that the new families will return.
2) If you treat the adults in any way “less than.”
Most reasonable adults are reasonable and resilient. As I’ve said, they understand there is no perfect church. But if you treat them poorly as a person, you don’t get a second chance.
One thing easy to forget is though someone may be spiritually unresolved, distant or disconnected, they are usually still spiritually aware even though not spiritually convinced. God has placed that within each of us. (Romans 1:19-20)
God deeply loves and is making Himself known in even the most calloused and spiritually distant person. Let’s partner with God to make the gospel of Jesus Christ known.
If the pastor says something that makes a person feel spiritually foolish, or an usher or greeter treats someone with disrespect, they won’t give you a second chance.
We can’t live on pins and needles worrying about offending everyone, but we can do our best to serve with intentional love and grace.
Several years ago, I tried to help a young mom tend to her crying baby in church. I did my best to be kind and respectful, but I inadvertently offended her when I asked if her baby might be more comfortable in the nursery. Maybe I could have done a better job, or perhaps it was a no-win situation, but the result was she was upset and said she’d never come back.
Most of these situations are nuanced and unintentional, but it’s so important to do your best to treat guests who come to your church with love, respect, and kindness.
There are many simple opportunities where we can intentionally help people feel like they matter:
- On Sunday morning, never point, always walk the person to where they want to go.
- Take a minute to engage, introduce yourself and ask their names. Ask what prompted them to try your church and sincerely welcome them.
- Look for them after the service, call them by name and thank them for coming.
You get the idea. Treat your guests like they are friends you care about.
3) If you treat any guest (unintentionally) as if to get more than you give.
It might seem impossible for a church team to treat any guest in such a way where that person felt like you wanted more from them than for them. But once again, this is easier than it sounds.
Let me explain.
Church leaders are often under pressure for a variety of responsibilities such as engaging and training an unending need for more volunteers, receiving budget-matching offerings and support in general for the vision and direction of the church.
For example, if a church is struggling to gain the needed number of volunteers, they may be tempted to put pressure on people, including guests, to sign up. Unintentional of course, but very human.
When pressure (or more rarely guilt) is employed rather than inspiration and encouragement, you have fallen into the trap of wanting more from the people than for them. Your guests have no appetite for that.
Another example might be if a church is behind in the budget. That can “leak” out in a sermon, or during the time to receive the offering. This kind of pressure makes it feel like the church wants more from the person than for them. If this is what your guests experience, they are not likely to return.
Wanting more for your people than from them means designing your ministries in their best interest spiritually, investing more in them than expecting in return, and living out the love of Christ as best you can.
Treating your guests well requires a combination of unconditional love and intentional leadership.
Hey Dan,
Excellent points.
Especially the point on either “intended or unintended“ treatment of guests and for that matter members or regular attenders. Having been your friend and in service for so many years at skyline church in San Diego and then other churches along the way in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s I felt always embraced and relevant to the church and its growth.
However, and this is a big point I believe, now I find myself in my early 70s. I’m ready, willing, and eager to fill the space in my life that previous full-time work occupied.
However intentional or unintentionally it might be for Pastor, spokesperson, staff, musicians or anybody who’s involved outreach and making guests or members feel welcome and/or relevant, many miss the boat with anyone over 70.
I never really thought much of this, nor was intentional enough to recognize that older attenders / seniors, even those of us who are in great health, fit, working, and ready to join in are often referred to as an afterthought or even deadweight.
Hearing from the pulpit another smiling face looking out at the congregation “…we’re here to serve everyone from 7 to 70!“ is defeating. Really, some leaders and pastors are so out of touch with their congregations that they feel anyone 70 and above is not a relevant target for service to a church and God’s people—
Remember, we are influencers, we encourage our family members to attend, our grandkids to embrace church life and opportunities for their Christian faith to deepen.
I encourage pastors and church leaders to find a new language of encouragement that includes all ages.