Whether or not you are currently in full time ministry, whether you are considering leaving or coming back, the most important thing is your walk with Jesus.
Our great need is to focus on the core principles of the gospel message.
The message of the cross contains three key elements. Love, grace, and forgiveness. Redemption requires God’s love, Jesus’ sacrifice and our faith. We recognize our debt and that it has been paid. The result – new life in Christ!
Love is a extraordinary gift.
Grace is undeserved.
Forgiveness is costly.
Forgiveness wouldn’t make sense without Jesus; His death gives meaning to forgiveness.
We know, believe and teach these things.
Most of the time we model it well, yet there are times when the practice of grace and forgiveness is challenging to say the least.
This may appear more like a sermon outline, but it’s really more of a letter to church leaders who have been hurt.
I have listened to countless stories of the hurt church leaders experience. Good leaders who have served well. What makes the news, however, are the stories of the few leaders who have messed up, not the multiplied thousands who have served well. This is not condemnation toward the church, I love the church. It’s in recognition of our humanity, and our need to both receive and extend grace.
I hesitate to offer examples, because I could list dozens and still miss yours by a country mile, but I’ll take a risk and just give a few in order set the tone.
- A close friend in the church betrayed you
- A staff member left church, taking dozens of families and started another church
- Your spouse left you and your ministry was over
- You confessed a struggle with sin, asked for help, and you were asked to leave
- You were taken advantage of financially
- An event in your childhood surfaced and you were advised to handle it quietly on your own
- A vote of no confidence after years of service with little to no explanation
- You were promised something in the future and the promise was broken
- A board member betrayed your trust by breaking a confidence
When stories like these are added to the spiritual weight of ministry they can be undoing to your soul.
How do you get past these kinds of experiences and regain your joy and motivation?
When we are deeply hurt, the best way to avoid the captivity of emotional pain and eventual bitterness is to forgive and let it go.
Life flies by quickly, and regret is never a welcomed friend. Holding on to hurt is a weight that is not wise to carry. It’s an anchor to the past, not a window to the future.
Consider the result of allowing hurt to limit you.
1) You become handcuffed to the past.
It’s never a good idea to trade healing for regret, and yet that is what happens when we hold on to past hurts.
The longer hurt is allowed to linger the more control it gains, and over time it can gain subtle control of your heart. Maybe not in your list of daily things to do, but in the deeper places where you can dream, imagine and see a better and brighter future.
2) You experience little peace, joy or personal growth.
When we struggle to forgive a hurt, that wound within us robs us of peace and joy. That wound takes up residence in our soul and over time leaves little room for peace and joy.
Peace and joy create emotional margin that allows us to focus on growth and giving ourselves to others. This is a great source of healing.
3) Your relationships suffer and your world shrinks.
The greater the degree of hurt and reluctance to forgive (and move on), the greater your most important relationships suffer. It takes emotional energy to “manage” hurt, to hide it away in a safe place. Energy you can’t give to others.
As your most important relationships and possible new friendships suffer, your world becomes smaller because you have less ability to give yourself to others.
Remember and reflect on the value and blessing of forgiving.
1) Forgiveness connects you to the heart of God.
God’s heart is one of grace, and grace is not the soft side of truth. Forgiveness doesn’t lower God’s standards, it elevates His love. When we forgive someone we are more connected to the heart of God.
Grace (forgiveness) doesn’t pretend that the wrong never occurred, it allows for human imperfection and reconciliation. It allows for healing to take place and we can become fully ourselves again.
2) Forgiveness can set you free from living in negative emotions.
Lack of forgiveness isn’t the only element that triggers emotions such as resentment, depression and anger. But we can control the choice to forgive. It’s a decision that is ours to make.
None of this is easy, but it absolutely can be done, perhaps slowly, but you can get there.
Freedom in Christ doesn’t guarantee a pain free life, but it does promise that the power of the Holy Spirit within us will help us overcome what has hurt us and holds us captive, and allow healing to take place.
3) Forgiveness opens your soul to joy and peace.
Forgiving someone is like casting a heavy weight off of your chest. It increases your ability to take on new life experiences and creates emotional space for joy and peace to become more tangible within you.
It’s difficult to do all of these things completely on your own. It’s natural to pull back, but take the risk, yes another risk, and talk with someone you trust that cares and can help.
Take some steps to break free.
1) Make a decision to start the process.
Extending grace and authentic forgiveness when you are deeply hurt isn’t an overnight process, but you can take the first step. That is, the sincere decision to forgive and begin the process today. Acknowledging to a trusted friend or mentor that you will pursue genuine forgiveness signals a green light in your spirit that starts the process.
2) Determine what’s holding you back from moving forward.
Statements like “I’m just not ready,” or, “It’s not worth it, what’s really going to change?” are common statements but don’t help you move forward.
One pastor said, “I’m just not going back into ministry, period.” That’s OK, you don’t have to, but don’t start with that as the conclusion before you have even attempted to find healing.
What is holding you back?
It’s a worthy question of being answered and will give you insight in how to move forward.
3) Talk with someone who can come alongside and help.
This person may be a wise and caring friend or a trained professional, but talking about it is a great pathway to healing and the resulting freedom.
I realize this post is a long way from comprehensive in touching upon whatever hurt, pain or experience you may have gone through. But it’s my hope that along with your prayers and the power of the Holy Spirit, that it helps you make meaningful progress.
