Every time I see a homemade chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven my self-control is pushed to its limits.
What’s your temptation?
What about more serious kinds of temptations leaders face when it comes to self-control? The kind with consequences greater than a few extra calories.
In addition to temptation, under pressure it’s easy to be swayed by your own emotions, make reactionary decisions, or be tempted to trade long-term success for more immediate rewards.
When pressure rises, self-control often decreases.
For example, when the intensity increases in a difficult conversation, it’s easy to respond with a matched level of anger. Intellectually you know that’s not helpful, but your emotions get the best of you.
Have you noticed that later in the day or during the evening when you are tired, your self-control is not at its best? That’s human nature; therefore, self-control is necessary for a healthy and productive lifestyle.
Self-control is the ninth and last in the list of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. It has always seemed to me like an out of place add-on at the end of a list of positive attributes. But it’s there for good reason.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23
Self-control appears like it’s the only fruit with the role of defense and the other eight are offense.
But I’ve learned to see self-control not as the caboose at the end of a powerful train, but the backstop without which, the others may easily be lost.
Love may be the engine that pulls the locomotive, but self-control is what keeps it on the tracks.
Without self-control, a leader will be sidelined, derailed or perhaps taken out of ministry.
You may need self-control to win over anger, discouragement or speaking too quickly. Someone else may need self-control for their thought life, managing money or how they use their authority.
None of us escape the need for consistent self-control.
In what area do you have the greatest need to exercise self-control?
To embrace greater self-control:
1) Embrace the significance of life’s daily trades.
All of life consists of daily trades, and over your lifetime the wisdom of your trades becomes clearly evident.
I’ve made some poor trades along the way. Like trading my potential safety and the well-being of others to arrive at my destination faster. Yup. Speeding – to save four minutes. Not smart, but I’ve done it more times than I want to admit.
That may seem like a relatively minor “poor” trade, but not really. I’m just hoping not to get caught. That’s the dark side of making bad trades – making something small that isn’t. Hoping you won’t get caught or not receive a penalty of any consequence is not a noble aim.
There are other “in-the-moment” trades we rationalize as minor. Like making a large impulse purchase when we should be saving money or trading an impatient and inconsiderate reaction over a kind and mature response.
Your daily trades are choices between an impulse in the moment, and the wisdom of the longer, larger view.
In leadership, it might be trading frustration for patience toward an employee or trading lazy for study in developing a sermon. It might be trading a hurtful word for an encouraging word, or trading compassion instead of criticism.
Most of life is won or lost in our daily trades. These decisions develop patterns that determine the course and outcomes of your life and leadership.
To develop self-control, embrace the vital nature of life’s daily trades and strive to make wise choices.
2) Engage the wisdom of pay now and play later.
If you play now, you will pay later. It’s not possible to alter the reality of that life principle. It is true in all areas of life, especially leadership.
The wisdom of delayed gratification (pay now play later) is a significant part of making smart daily trades. Self-control and smart daily trades go hand and hand to help you exercise discipline now and enjoy more freedoms later.
Impulsive decisions are the great enemy of wise trades in life and leadership.
Think and lead long-term, values-driven and character-based terms to build the right foundation to support self-control. This kind of “pay now” character yields the life and leadership you desire.
Consistent discipline rewards you with the freedom and options that allow you to live well and lead well.
Resist the desire to consistently “play now” and lean into the compounding dividends of self-control today. This paves the way for greater rewards in the future.
So what’s wrong with play? Absolutely nothing. We need to play and enjoy life. And note that play is always in the now, it’s present in the moment. That’s good!
However, this long-standing principle of pay now, play later speaks to natural life rhythms that remind us of when we should be doing something different in the moment for a better future.
3) Ask God to help you do what you can’t do.
When it comes to self-control, God wants to partner with sincere effort on our part. If we ask God to remove the need for any effort, or even struggle on our part, there is no process that leads to maturity.
The process of spiritual maturity requires that we face and handle real-life tensions that don’t have easy solutions. That’s when God has an opportunity to step in and do what we cannot do.
As we pray and ask for help, God is eager to grant the power of the Holy Spirit that helps provide the self-control we need. Ultimately, this strengthens the first eight in the list of the fruit of the Spirit.
The fruit of the spirit has always been about a divine relationship. We do our part and the Holy Spirit does His. The Spirit always gives more than we are able. It’s gift of God.
The quest is not for perfect leadership or discipline for the sake of discipline. Leaders with great self-control are still human beings who make mistakes and fall short.
The point is that the seldom spoken of #9 in the list of the fruit of the Spirit, may just be a quiet key to much of your long-term health and success as a leader.
