Why do so many good leaders cave when the pressure rises?
We all want to be the leader who stands firm, but when the boardroom becomes tense, or key influencers in the church let you know what they want in no uncertain terms, or staff become restless and questions rise from the congregation it is easy to surrender to the pressure.
The reality is that leaders who carry high amounts of sustained pressure are eventually temped to cave in because the weight is too great to carry. They eventually face a breaking point where caving in no longer looks like a weakness and starts looking like the only option to survive.
Some do this dramatically and just walk away, others quietly quit — they still come to work but no longer lead.
Have you been there? Tempted at times?
All leaders face pressure.
It might be heavy pressure from financial circumstances where the needs are greater than the income by a large margin. For example, the solution for continued growth requires more space but the cost is overwhelming.
It’s often an intense pressure due to repeated relational conflict over several years.
It may be that the pastor is facing a large group of people who are upset about a major decision.
Aaron found himself in a similar situation. Moses was up on the mountain with God for forty days and forty nights, and fear set in the hearts of the people. They panicked. They needed a sense of presence, stability and well-being from their leader.
The people complained and Aaron reacted to the pressure of the people. He cracked and caved in, made a poor decision, took the gold and made a golden calf.
When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.” Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.” Ex 32:1-4
I’m certain Aaron justified it to the point where his decisions made sense. It’s easy to indict Aaron, but I wonder what any of us might have done. It’s easy to say in hindsight that we’d never create a golden calf and hopefully we wouldn’t. But remember, under enough pressure we are all tempted to cave.
“Caving in” under pressure means to finally yield, surrender, or give up after resisting or being subjected to intense pressure. It describes reaching a breaking point where you stop fighting and agree to certain demands.
You can’t prevent pressure, but you can learn to handle it better.
Prevention is worth its weight in gold. Here are three steps to stay in front of caving in:
1) Before your leadership load gets too heavy, ask for help.
Why is it that our initial reflex is not to ask for help? It is that we don’t want to bother others? Is it pride? Do we not want to appear weak?
Before you feel trapped in a corner, or like you are in water over your head, ask for help. It’s never too late to ask for assistance, and the sooner you ask, the better.
You still need to own your decision, but you will have gained wise counsel and the backing of others who stand with you.
2) Intentionally cultivate your inner circle of trusted advisors
To ask for help, you need a go-to group. Your inner circle should not consist only of friends who love you, support you and are likely affirm you. It must be made up of those who are strong, wise and will tell you the truth.
Without a group of trusted advisors, you will be tempted to ask the next kind and listening ear for their opinion. Avoid this at all costs.
You don’t need a large group. It can be as few as three. Who’s in your group? Do they sincerely care about you and have clear wisdom?
Have they:
- Lived longer?
- Led larger?
- Faced more difficult challenges?
3) Remember, there are very few pressure related, stress producing problems worth abandoning your calling.
God called you and gifted you. Do you remember the moment? Or perhaps it was a long and slower process. Either way, its unmistakable.
Your calling can be seen like a marriage; there are very few reasons to throw in the towel. It can happen, but it is rare.
When it’s difficult to find your way forward, seemingly impossible to find a workable solution, and you are tempted to give in, remember your calling and find your way back to God and His purpose for you.
If you believe God’s promise that He is with you, and you know you are called and gifted, hang on to that with all you’ve got.
Stakes in the ground to help hold your ground:
1) Never back down from your values and convictions
Your values shape your convictions.
Your values declare what you care about, your convictions dictate the lines you will not cross.
Your values reflect your priorities while your convictions declare your deeply held beliefs for which you are willing to pay a price.
There is freedom in our chosen values as guided by scripture, but the Holy Spirit shapes the convictions that guide our leadership.
- What do you care about so deeply that you are moved to action?
- What line(s) have you drawn (or need to draw) that you dare not cross?
- What burdens do you carry that help you hold steady to your convictions?
It’s difficult to lead under pressure when these questions are not settled.
2) Never allow your leadership to be taken hostage
Do not accept any demand that causes you to violate your leadership convictions no matter how much pressure you’re under.
Pressure can come in many ways, such as pressure to hire someone, start or stop a ministry, or look the other way when it comes to one of your biblical convictions. The potential pressures are endless.
When your leadership is unintentionally “up for sale” you may be tempted to cave and essentially stop leading. That’s what happened to Aaron, he stopped leading. The pressure came from the people, and Aaron gave in to their demands.
3) Invest yourself in finding the right solution
Ministry is people focused and we care about people. However, we can unintentionally place too much time and energy in answering every question or honoring every objection and (futilely) try to make people happy rather than solving the problem.
When facing great pressure one of the best things you can do is invest your energy into making the right decision, for the best solution, in the highest and best interest of the people.
Rather than burning precious human effort resulting in sideways energy, invest that leadership energy into vision-based progress.
The challenging part of leadership isn’t figuring out the right thing to do; it’s sticking to it when seemingly everything and everyone around you is urging you, even pressuring you to back down.
4) Let God carry what you can’t carry.
At some point, you have done all you can do. You have consistently prayed and God is with you, but some things are left in His hands.
When the road is long and the load is heavy, let God carry what you can’t carry.
One of my favorite quotes is by Victor Hugo, paraphrased it says, “When you have done all you can do, go to bed. God is still up.” You are part of a grand and divine partnership with God. You are expected to do your part as a leader, but it’s also important to let God do His part.
