Emotions seem to be on edge and at acute levels – not without reason:
- Political opinions
- Financial realities
- Moral perspectives
Overall, an unsettled sense of anxiousness prevails in our culture, and no one is immune. Even the most sophisticated science-based technological advancements such as AI are met with emotionally charged opinions.
As leaders, we experience the full array of human emotion on a regular basis.
How we handle our emotions can make or break our leadership.
Jesus himself experienced the full range of emotions such as; love, anger, compassion, loneliness, frustration, and joy.
The powerful thing about Jesus and the expression of His emotion is that it always seemed to be perfectly appropriate and perfectly timed.
But let’s be candid, we’re not Jesus. We are called to live like Him, but we’ll never be Him.
So, what can we do?
Own your emotions.
For example, we often think that a particular person made us angry.
It’s true that someone can push your buttons, provoke you and cause a certain emotion like anger begin to rise up in you. But you choose what you do with that button-pushing provocation.
If it was true that someone could actually “make” you angry, (force you to be angry) that would mean they control you.
The same is true with gratitude, happiness, and contentment, as examples. No one can make you feel grateful, happy, or content. These are emotions that you choose.
If other people were responsible for your happiness, you could only experience as much happiness as they could or would give you.
Lead your emotions.
Either you lead your emotions, or they lead you. It’s not always easy, but vitally important for a leader.
When you are under pressure, stressed, tired, or feeling overwhelmed, that’s when leading your emotions is most important.
To lead your emotions is to be present with your feelings. This enables you to guide them and shape them rather than being owned or controlled by them.
Let’s take positive emotions as an example.
Your work as a spiritual leader is serious work. It involves people, problems and even spiritual warfare. Over time this process will drain you.
Therefore, it’s vital that you purposely cultivate positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, love, compassion, and contentment.
You can choose to laugh, play, serve, and give. You can choose staff, friends, and even service providers that you enjoy being around.
You can take charge and lead your emotions, rather than be governed by them.
Mature your emotions.
Maturing your emotions is the intended outcome of owning and leading your emotions.
No one wants to live like a robot, or expects perfectly “contained” emotions. Your emotions are an expression of life and make you an interesting person.
At the same time, people can’t trust a leader whose emotions are unpredictable, or may erupt at any moment.
Remaining poised when the heat is on is an indication of maturity with your emotions.
Emotional maturity is required to be freed up and real, and at the same time self-controlled and even-tempered.
Prayer, wise counsel, and intentional effort, combined with selfless living, are key components that help your emotions mature.
4 Emotions That Can Take a Leader Out:
It’s true that this list of four emotions can be either positive motivators or negative paralyzers.
For example, fear can cause you to get out of the way of an oncoming car.
But in the context of leadership and this post, I’ll focus on the need to wisely learn to own, lead, and mature these emotions.
1) Unjustified Fear
Fear will paralyze your leadership. It can prevent you from taking a risk, having a tough conversation or even being obedient to a prompt of God.
Fear of failure, looking foolish, or disappointing someone can cause you to hold back on doing the right thing.
For example, you may be tempted to make a decision aligned with fear rather than faith.
One of the best antidotes to fear is action. Break each fear-producing situation down to bite-sized pieces for action, and tackle it one day at a time.
Remember, God is with you.
2) Unmanaged Anger
Leadership can be frustrating and you can be hurt. Over time this can build to anger.
Unmanaged anger is a true nemesis to even the best of leaders. One ill-timed blow up, rather than healthy prevention, can cost you much.
Depending upon the severity of the circumstance or public nature of an outburst, it can cost you your leadership.
The good news is that for one instance, there is usually enough grace that it’s easily repaired.
Anger can serve you as a warning light of something building up within.
If you struggle with anger or if there is a pattern, I would encourage you to seek out a wise and experienced counselor to get underneath the anger and discover its origin.
You don’t need to remain captive to the force of unresolved issues from your past.
Freedom from anger is within reach, but you can’t beat it by yourself. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor soon.
3) Unrelenting Discouragement
Discouragement is one of the top tactics used by the devil in order to take spiritual leaders out.
Discouragement is not enough to disqualify you like anger can, and it doesn’t completely shut you down like fear can, but it’s enough to distract you from being at your best.
Over the long haul, discouragement can drain you of passion for people and commitment to the vision.
For example, your church attendance may have been down last week, but you had a good number of visitors, several people saved, and the offering was strong.
The enemy wants you to focus on the things that didn’t go right (the low attendance) because all the other things will encourage you, and that will motivate you to keep going!
Overcoming discouragement can be achieved by spending some time with a few positive natured and trusted leaders who believe in you, see the good that is happening, and are full of hope.
It’s also important that you don’t allow yourself to become or remain isolated from others. That is one of the most common ways to take your perspective off center.
Above all, remember that God is with you, for you, and your ministry matters.
4) Unchecked Insecurity
Every leader struggles with insecurity, ranging from mild and negligible to serious and debilitating. Left unchecked, it can become your undoing.
It’s up to each of us how we own, lead, and mature our personal security.
Insecurity, like discouragement, is certainly not the potential grenade that anger, and fear can be. But left unmanaged, insecurity can be slowly unraveling to your leadership.
In fact, insecurity is surprisingly common among leaders, and the danger is that it can lead to jealousy, envy, competition, people pleasing, and performance. One of the best things you can do to overcome insecurity is to own it. Acknowledge it and be willing to talk about it.
It’s important to identify what triggers your insecurities. When you’re fully aware of your personal patterns, you can begin to learn to handle them in a more healthy and productive way.
Ultimately, the best approach is to remember your identity in Christ.
Give yourself permission to be authentic, that is how people truly connect with you and how you lead at your best. Learn to find peace and joy in being the real you. There is great freedom in that rather than a copy version of what you perceive to be a better you.
I’ve written a more thorough article about insecurity. You can read it here.
Please know that you are not alone. Don’t bottle-up these emotions and repress them. Even if you are doing well, it’s good to talk about this with a trusted advisor.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
