As leaders, we experience the full array of human emotion on a regular basis.
How we handle our emotions can make or break our leadership.
Jesus himself experienced the full range of emotions such as; love, anger, compassion, loneliness, frustration, and joy.
The powerful thing about Jesus and the expression of His emotion is that it always seemed to be perfectly appropriate and perfectly timed.
But let’s be honest, we’re not Jesus. We are to live like Him, but we’ll never be Him.
So, what can we do?
• Own your emotions.
For example, we often think that a particular person made us angry.
It’s true that someone can push your buttons, provoke you and cause a certain emotion like anger begin to rise up in you. But you choose what you do with that.
If it was true that someone could actually “make” you angry, that would mean they control you.
The same is true with gratitude, happiness, and contentment, as examples. No one can make you feel grateful, happy, or content. These are emotions that you choose.
If other people were responsible for your happiness, you could only experience as much happiness as they could or would give you.
• Lead your emotions.
It’s not always easy, but vitally important for a leader.
When you are under pressure, stressed, tired, or feeling overwhelmed, that’s when leading your emotions is most important.
To lead your emotions is to be present with your feelings. This enables you to guide them and shape them rather than being owned or controlled by them.
Let’s take positive emotions as an example.
Your work as a spiritual leader is serious work. It involves people, problems and even spiritual warfare. Over time this process will drain you.
Therefore, it’s vital that you purposely cultivate positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, love, compassion, and contentment.
You can choose to laugh, play, serve, and give. You can choose staff, friends, and even service providers that you enjoy being around.
You can take charge and lead your emotions, rather than be governed by them.
• Mature your emotions.
No one wants to live like a robot, or expects perfectly “contained” emotions. Your emotions are an expression of life and make you an interesting person.
At the same time, people can’t trust a leader whose emotions are unpredictable, or may erupt at any moment.
Emotional maturity is required to be freed up and real, and at the same time self-controlled and even tempered.
Prayer, wise counsel, and intentional effort, combined with selfless living, are key components that help your emotions mature.
4 Emotions That Can Take a Leader Out:
It’s true that this list of four emotions can be either positive motivators or negative paralyzers.
For example, fear can cause you to get out of the way of an oncoming car.
But in the context of leadership and this post, I’ll focus on the need to wisely learn to own, lead, and mature these emotions.
Fear paralyzes a leader. It can prevent you from, for example, taking a risk, having a tough conversation or even being obedient to a prompt of God.
For example, you may be tempted to make a decision aligned with fear rather than faith.
One of the best antidotes to fear is action. Break each fear-producing situation down to bite-sized pieces for action, and tackle it one day at a time.
Remember, God is with you.
One ill-timed blow up can cost you much.
Depending upon the severity of the circumstance or public nature of an outburst, it can cost you your leadership.
The good news is that for one instance, there is usually enough grace that it’s easily repaired.
But if you struggle with anger or if there is a pattern, I would encourage you to seek out a wise and experienced counselor to get underneath the anger and discover its origin.
You don’t need to remain captive to the force of unresolved issues from your past.
Freedom from anger is within reach, but you can’t beat it by yourself. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor soon.
Discouragement is one of the top tactics used by the devil in order to take spiritual leaders out.
Discouragement is not enough to disqualify a leader like anger can, and it doesn’t completely shut down a leader like fear can, but it’s just enough to distract a leader from being at his or her best. And over the long haul, that can have huge effects.
For example, your church attendance may have been down last week, but you had a good number of visitors, several people saved, and the offering was strong.
The enemy wants you to focus on the things that didn’t go right (the low attendance) because all the other things will encourage you, and that will motivate you to keep going!
Overcoming discouragement can most often be achieved by spending some time with a few positive natured and trusted leaders who believe in you, see the good that is happening, and are full of hope.
It’s also important that you don’t allow yourself to become or remain isolated from others. That is one of the most common ways to take your perspective off center.
Every leader has some insecurity. It can be anything from minimal and essentially negligible to nearly debilitating.
It’s up to each of us how we own, lead, and mature our personal security.
Insecurity, like discouragement, is certainly not the potential grenade that anger, and fear can be. But left unmanaged, insecurity can be slowly unraveling to your leadership.
In fact, insecurity is surprisingly common amongst leaders and the danger is that it can lead to things like jealousy, envy, competition, people pleasing, and more.
One of the best things you can do to overcome insecurity is to own it. Talk about it, and be honest about it.
It’s important to identify what triggers your insecurities. When you’re fully aware of your personal patterns, you can begin to learn to handle them in a more healthy and productive way.
Ultimately, the best approach is to remember your identity in Christ.
Find joy and peace in being yourself. Give yourself permission and freedom to be yourself, that’s how people best connect with you and how you lead at your best.
I’ve written a more thorough article on the subject of insecurity and you can read it here.
18 thoughts on “4 Emotions That Can Take A Leader Out”
This is pure gold. Dan, I so enjoy reading your investments into our lives as leaders. Today’s post is super powerful and I wish more of us in Kingdom leadership could lean into this truth. You are a celebrated gift to the Church!
Thanks Peter, so glad its helpful!
Very kind and encouraging words!
This is such a tremendous blessing to me. The posts are always timely for every stage of my leadership.
Thank you Sir.
Thx u sir may you increase it’s always a blessing to receive amazing words of wisdom am honoured to be tutored in leadership. Blessing
Glad this is a blessing to you Damalie!
You are most welcome!
…”Lead your emotions.” This is just so profound. Lead yourself before anyone else, applying all the same principles. You embody this so well. Thank you for this simple awakening today. I’m moved.
Thank you Janene.
That’s very encouraging.
Love your thought of “lead yourself before anyone else…”
Thank you Dan for another timely post! Always giving us what we need right when we need it. I’m definitely going to share some of this wisdom to our leadership team at our next meeting. Blessings brother!
… really glad this hits the spot and that you can share it with your staff!
This is another really great reminder of how we can overcome so many thought distortions that can lead us astray. We definitely have to lead in all things, and emotions are some of the things that we can be led to believe are beyond our control. The unspoken sidebar to all of these emotions is that we can better control them when we are exercising proper self-care. If we’re not sleeping enough (or at least getting rest…) proper eating, exercise, and spiritual work are all part of the toolbox that goes a long way toward helping us be in charge of our emotions. Thank you for this excellent reminder, Dan, and for all that you do equip the kingdom.
Tom Dietzler, 922 Ministries, Appleton, WI
Thank you for your thoughts and comments, great wisdom! Self-care… so true!
Great post and very thought provoking to consider these areas in our leadership. It’s always difficult to look at the darker side of our lives but your simple clear advice is a gem that gives clear godly advice that we miss at our peril. Thanks
Thank you for your comments and glad it was helpful in a practical way.
This part, especially discouragement hit me right between the eyes! Thanks Dan for the truth! You literally described every thought I had from the weekend services.
These emotions, to some degree, are common to all leaders- at different times over the course of leadership. The prayer is that the Holy Spirit brings them under control, gives us strength and shows us a better way.
Dan, this is a timely word for all leaders, not just in the Body of Christ. Thank you for this post and countless more prior.
You are so welcome, and I’m glad this is helpful!